05/14/2025; I’m afraid of you

I think I get sad when you get home because I’m afraid of you. I’m scared you’ll get mad at me for something.

I feel so useless. Another day of doing absolutely nothing and I hate myself for it.

I don’t feel like doing anything. I have a headache and I’m worried it has something to do with the ache on my head.

I feel so worthless to you. I know you’ll be disappointed in me when you see I’ve done nothing all day.

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say. It’s too hot outside to even go for a walk.

I want to find something to do and yet I don’t at the same time. I want to feel busy and tired and satisfied at the end of the day, but at the same time I want to be ok with doing nothing all day. I want to learn how to relax.

I’m so scared of letting people down all the time. You, my boyfriend. It’s like, you’ve already figured out what a lazy bum I am, and I’m just counting down the days until he opens his eyes and sees it too.

He gets upset when I apologize to him, but I get so afraid that I’m bombarding him with messages and making him feel trapped. I’m afraid I’ll be too clingy and suffocating.

He tells me not to worry about it, and then I want to apologize for making him repeat what he’s told me a dozen times.

I think I’m afraid he’ll start loving me in the same way I think you do, and in the same way everybody does. I’m afraid that he’ll love me out of habit.

I worry about the day he comes home and is disappointed too.